I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
