I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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