dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
