he wants to bone in the snuggie
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
