I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
