I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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