this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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