I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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