never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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