I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
