party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
