literally had 100 drinks last night.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
