You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i dont even know how to be here
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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