did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
