so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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