Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
and you said cock pushups were impossible
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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