The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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