what day is it and did you see me today?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
