using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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