I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
