the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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