Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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