If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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