I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I puked a lego.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
