that's an acceptable place to lick
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
