he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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