Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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