And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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