Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
