my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Randomize
