4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
