And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize