he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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