every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize