that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
