Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
