Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
