i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
