All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
