We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My ATM looks so different sober.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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