I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
