my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
