Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
