Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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