Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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