I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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