you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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