I'm so fucking centered right now
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
