his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize