After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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