I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
