I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
