I cannot find my penis.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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