i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
