Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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