I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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