dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
