You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
