plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
