I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
