you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize