True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize