Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
