did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
