remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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