im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
