take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
