Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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