That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
