All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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