i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
