"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
