Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
