I wish they made helmets for livers.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
