Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
