what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
